Communication

 This week again proved that I am always learning something new in my family relations class. There are different communication impacts that are associated with marital decline. I believe it is important for us to be aware of what those impacts are. We want to know what the symptoms of diseases are so we should want to know what the causing factors of marital decline. Some of those factors include: negative affect, negative affect reciprocity, wife reciprocates husbands neg. affect, high structure, interpreting messages more negatively, and withdrawal. Here are the factors that are associated with stable and positive marriages: husbands who give in to wife (sometimes), husbands that show more affection, less anger for both partners, less whining from the husband, & high interest shown in wife. I had the thoughts of: well shouldn’t the wife give into the husband but then I realized this is the statistics we are looking at. This is what we see that associates with positive marriages. Ones we look at the numbers it is important for us to look at tools we can use. One of my favorite tools is the “I-message” This is when you tell your partner how you feel without accusing them of doing something. Instead of saying “you never make me feel loved” you would say “I often don’t feel appreciated and cared for when you talk to me in harsh tones”. This helps your partner know that you are not out to get them and accuse them but that you are wanting to share your feelings with them. Instead of accusing be vulnerable. THe other tool we can use is reflective listening. Reflective listening is when we hear out our partner and try to paraphrase what they say to assure them that we were listening and that we are invested in what they have to say to us. Listening should be three things. Reflective, Empathetic, and active. I will repeat something that my communications professor once told me. “You such at listening”. I was taken back when he said it the first time. But as time went on and as he taught our class how to listen to others more effectively I realized that I truly had been a bad listener and that I still had a lot of work to do. Listening requires setting all other train of thoughts behind. When our spouse comes home from work it is time for us to put a pause on everything else we had to say and to simply just listen. Hear them. And let them know that they are heard. Whether it was a good or bad day think about what it would be like if you were them. Would you be excited? Or would you be frustrated? Now, to do that it requires a lot of work. And a lot of practice. That’s why it is important to find someone that we are willing to listen to and to mourn with forever. Right? If you want a good marriage it is important to apply these three techniques into your relationship and to show your partner that you love them by doing so. Here are seven steps for conflict resolution: 1. Identify/ define the issue. 2. Contract to work through the issue. 3. Understand the issue completely. 4. Identify wants for self, others, and us. 5. Generate options - brainstorm. 6. Choose plan of action think win/win 7. Try the plan and evaluate it. I would like to invite all my readers to look at this plan. Think of where in their life they could use it and how to better their relationships with communication! Thank you for making this far, have a splendid day!